100 Girls I'd Like To Pork

Inspired by my coffee table book of the same name, this blog explores beautiful women in all their glory. Who hasn't seen the local dog-catcher in her uniform and thought: there's a girl I'd like to pork? Now my top 100 picks are here, for your perusing pleasure.

My Photo
Location: Blune Gardens, Lurking Outside in the Bushes

Manny is the greatest living writer in his office. He's done face to face interviews with God and Satan. He knows the Truth™, unless you can prove him wrong! On off days he works the bourbon sampling circuit. As well, he's much taller in print!

Sunday, October 01, 2006

#84 My Neighbour's Gynecologist

When it comes to women practicing medicine, I'm all for it. Who is better at healing and curing than a maternal, loving, caring, hot and sassy young female doctor? I've always felt that way, but when I laid eyes upon my neighbour's gynecologist, I wanted to lay a lot of other things on her as well. With her tightly drawn hair and silver glasses, she looks like a triple threat... spinster, dominatrix, and nymph! I couldn't ask for anything more. This MD most definitely ranks on Mr. Pinksy's PL!

#84... My Neighbour's Gynecologist. Pinsky Says™: she can climb onto my table and put her feet in the stirrups for a full exam!

#85 Neve Campbell

One of Mr. Pinsky's favourite television programs used to be the delightful 'Party of Five'. The adventures of whatever family it was doing whatever it was they did kept me enraptured every week. Actually, it was one of the lead actresses who kept my eyes (among other things) pointed directly at the screen. Neve Campbell, the fiery, dark haired actress who portayed one of the daughters in whatever family it was on that show, was the hottest set of hips and breasts to wander across commerical TV. Those sultry eyes and pouting lips... need I say more? She will Neve-r be excluded from my list of porkable women!

#85... Neve Campbell. Pinsky Says™: She's welcome to party with my seven and a half... anytime!

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

#86 Cher

Following a theme of great singers, Mr. Pinsky thought he would put Cher next on his Porking Countdown. Here's a classy woman with a classy career. When going to see a woman in concert, you can't complain if you end up seeing almost all of her! And Cher certainly puts on a show. With her tattoos, fishnet clothing and rather graphic hint of sticky sleaze, she's a must-have for Mr. Pinsky. If I had my way, I wouldn't share Cher with anyone!

#86... Cher. Pinsky Says™: She might be a half-breed, but all I'm interested in is breeding!

#87 Priscilla Presley

You just had to know that the King of Rock and Roll's bride would make this list! And how couldn't she? Take a look at those stunning cheekbones and those sultry, smouldering eyes... Elvis was handsome enough to have any woman in the world! And he chose Priscilla! And what doesn't this Queen of Rock and Roll have? Sexy good looks, a still fairly attractive middle-aged body, and talent in truckloads! And with a soft pair of lips like that, well... Mr. Pinsky knows what's good for him.

#87... Priscilla Presley. Pinsky Says™: She spent time with little Elvis... why not spend time with little Pinsky?

#88 Michelle Kwan

Although figure skating really isn't a sport, you have to admire those lithe young girls in their tight spandex outfits! And the best of the bunch is that little Asian dish, Michelle Kwan! When I watch her spinning and twirling and skating her heart out, my heart (among others things) leaps! If she's capable of twisting and turning like that on the ice, imagine what she might be able to do in a more temperate location (like Mr. Pinsky's bedroom). So, Michelle 'Shelley' Kwan definitely rates on the Pinsky Porkometer! I might not know the difference between an axle and lutz... but I know what I like!

#88... Michelle Kwan. Pinsky Says™: I'd be willing to show her my triple salchow anytime!

Thursday, August 31, 2006

#89 Meredith Baxter-Birney (Mrs. Keaton)

I always thought that some of the TV moms were the best. They often stayed at home, raised the kids and had dinner on the table at six. Meredith Baxter-Birney (aka Elise Keaton) was not ready to take this stereotype lying down (though that's how Mr. Pinsky likes her)! She raised her kids, had a job and dealt with her drunken brother all without batting an eye. Every time I watch old episodes of 'Family Ties' (often late at night, alone in bed with a box of tissues and some Wonder Bread) I know that Mrs. Keaton is the MILF for me!

#80... Meredith Baxter-Birney (Mrs. Keaton). Pinsky Says™: I'd like to have her on the table for dinner at six... or anytime!

#90 Well Endowed Construction Girl (With Hardhat)

Mr. Pinsky almost blew a gasket when he saw this foxy little thing... no, this foxy BIG thing... down at the local construction site. They were erecting a new Wal Mart, and Mr. Pinsky began to get a new erection of his own. You have to know that this lady would be a wild ride. In fact, I think I'll have to invest in a hard hat of my own. This woman makes the porking list based on her assets as well as her dedication to keeping the country strong and growing. And what can you say about a woman who can sling a hammer and put up drywall? You get the best of all worlds with a girl like that!

#90... Well Endowed Constructio Girl (With Hardhat). Pinsky Says™: She's ready and willing to handle my heavy equipment!

#91 Tabitha King

Continuing with my focus on womanly writers, how can anyone not want to take some time to roll around with Tabitha King? Sure, she's married to Stephen King, one of the most powerful writers alive, but so what? Even all his money couldn't buy him out of the way of a mini-van. And Tabitha is one hot dish... almost like an overcooked, bubbling plate of lasagna, you know she's still going to taste great. And if you've ever read her fiction, you know that she's going to be a demon in bed. Just be careful and keep the lights on because you never know what might come out in the dark.

#91... Tabitha King. Pinsky Says™: She can be my King and I'll bow down before any throne she might be on!

#92 Anne Rice

Being in a literary frame of mind today, I decided to explore some of the great and porkable writers out there. The first that comes to mind? Anne Rice, creator of the sexy Vampire series. Grrrrr.... imagine Miss Rice burying her fangs into your soft, dark spots and you know what I'm getting at. There's nothing like lusting after a woman who is both sexy and smart... and this literary lioness has it all. Mr. Pinsky gets turned on by the Victorian-era S&M Mistress vibe she puts off. So what if she resembled a snuff chewing politician from England? And so what if she's completely out of her mind? I can't wait for the next chapter!

#92... Anne Rice. Pinsky Says™: I'll drive my stake through the Queen of Vampire Fiction anytime!

Monday, August 28, 2006

#93 My Brother's Mechanic

Every now and then my Yugo has to go into the shop. When that times rolls around, I make sure to take it to my brother's mechanic. She is one extremely greasy grease monkey. Whether she's lubing up my chassis or rotating my tires, she's always got fast hands. The first time I saw her working up on the hoist with a socket wrench in one pocket and a rag in the other, I felt my pants shrink. This gal is definitely filled with premium... hopefully someday, thanks to Mr. Pinsky.

#93... My Brother's Mechanic. Pinsky Says™: I think it's time for her to change my oil!

#94 Jane Seymour

Whenever I go in for my semi-annual physical exam, I keep hoping that my doctor might end up being Dr. Quinn. There is just something about Jane Seymour that gives me beaver fever! With her flowing dark hair and mysterious eyes, one can't help but get drawn into her web of seduction. Mr. Pinsky sometimes fantasizes about her brand of old-time medicine, with lingering thoughts of at-home sponge baths, candelit enemas and any one of one hundred medical marvels! Jane Seymour... the doctor is in!

#94... Jane Seymour. Pinsky Says™: she can examine my prostate anytime!

Sunday, August 27, 2006

#95 Rita Rudner

There's a certain brand of humour that Mr. Pinsky likes, and it's all about Rita Rudner. This comedic wit reminds me so much of that slightly alcoholic high school teacher who taught me psychology, and that's almost the sexiest thing in the world. I just know that there would be a great deal of porking pleasure in Miss Rudner. And it would be nice to be in bed with a woman and have her laughing at her own jokes rather than something else.

#95... Rita Rudner. Pinsky Says™: When I deliver my punchline, she's definitely going to get the joke!

#96 Nancy McKeon (aka Jo on 'The Facts of Life')

After catching a rerun of the classic sitcom 'The Facts of Life' this afternoon, I decided that I had to add that dark haired temptress, Nancy McKeon, to my list. This firecracker definitely has some porking potential. No one can forget how she was in that TV show... was she the girl next door, or the buddy you wanted to get drunk with? There's something to be said about a woman with a little bit of man in her. And how much is a little bit? About seven inches on the Pinsky meter!

#96... Nancy McKeon (aka Jo on 'The Facts of Life'). Pinsky Says™: she'll take the good, she'll take the bad, and when the world doesn't seem to be living up to my dreams, she can teach me all about the facts of life!

#97 The Dirty Girl from the 'Doublewide' Blog

Mr. Pinsky isn't one to spend a lot of time 'surfing' the 'Internet', but when he does he is always keeping his eyes open for examples of feminine pulchritude. This time I was lucky to google my way into a site about trailer trash... and that's where I found Dirty Girl. So aptly named, I could discern little of her from the poor quality photograph. But with her soft, bread dough belly and a promise of questionable hygiene, I suddenly felt my heart beat just a little faster. Like a greasy hot dog or a loud and throbbing muscle car, Dirty Girl seems likely to entertain.

(For more information on this minx, visit www.doublewidetales.blogspot.com)

#97... The Dirty Girl from the 'Doublewide' Blog. Pinsky Says™: Let's get together and do the dirty!

#98 NESN Sportscaster Hazel Mae

I'm really not much of a sports fan unless you count female wrestling, but when it comes to women making Pinsky's Porkometer, I just have to include NESN's Hazel Mae. With her dark skin and laughing brown eyes, how can one not want to hear about sports all day long? It only took five minutes of watching her on television to make me realize that the Louisville slugger in my closet wasn't the only length of wood within reach.

#98... NESN Sportscaster Hazel Mae. Pinsky Says™: I'd sure like to get to fifth base with her!

Saturday, August 26, 2006

#99 Yeardley Smith (aka Lisa Simpson)

It doesn't matter if she's animated or flesh and blood... there's something delicious ribald about Yeardley Smith. I have every episode of 'The Simpsons' on tape and can spend hours sprawled out on my couch, the remote control in one hand, just listening to her shrill, grating voice. Yeardley's performance in 'Maximum Overdrive' certainly put Mr. Pinsky into overdrive! As this photo shows, she's stunning sun or rain (and I'd gladly open her umbrella).

#99... Yeardley Smith (aka Lisa Simpson). Pinsky Says™: I'll colour between her lines anytime!

#100 The Girl in the Taco Commercial

What can I sat about this sultry looking dish? With her flowing brunette hair, dopey come-hither eyes and ruby red lips all puckered and moist... she's most definitely setting off bells on the Pinsky Porkometer! The first time I saw her on the screen of my 21" colour Sony, I took a breath. My TV quickly became a 27".

#100... The Girl in the Taco commercial. Pinsky Says™: I'd gladly go south of her border and eat a taco anytime.

Friday, August 25, 2006

An Introductory Musing

Most people might be hard-pressed to compose a list of 100 girls they would like to pork. Perhaps they might find that there aren't 100 porkable girls available. Perhaps they have what some refer to as 'higher standards'. But it is my contention that such people just aren't trying hard enough. Over time I have culled a lengthy list of girls who have 'struck my fancy'. This blog is dedicated to giving you, interested reader, that very list. It is aimed at putting the spotlight on these girls, a spotlight they greatly deserve. The girls might be celebrities, singers, or models. They may also be simpler women... store clerks, haberdashers, or your best friend's mom. But no matter who they are, where they come from or what they look like, they are part of an elite group.

One hundred girls I'd like to pork.

Please follow my progress with this list, and enjoy.

Mr. Pinsky